The Quiet Recovery
Many have quit using alcohol or drugs on their own, but we will never know their stories. These are not the people we will hear about in the news, media or on TV. These people struggled with alcohol or drugs but had a “quiet recovery”.
It is the famous drunk or celebrity drug story that enhances our imaginations with the power of AA, NA and the rehabs. That without their help, recovery will fail. Rehabs, AA and NA become a blanket of forgiveness. If you screw up all you have to do is publicly admit your an alcoholic or an addict, say you are going to rehab or meetings and then your past mistakes are forgiven, image improved and your life moves on. In fact, it often seems like going to alcohol or drug rehab or belonging to AA or NA is the popular thing to do and talk about these days. If someone acknowledges they are pursuing one of the above avenues, there is a sigh of relief that all will be well. But this is not always the case.
Don’t get me wrong, alcohol and drug rehabs, AA and NA can be critical in helping some get help for their alcohol or drugs. But often the message we hear in the media is one of dependency, that without entering a drug or alcohol rehab or going to AA or NA, recovery will fail. The truth is that rehabs, AA and NA are not for everyone and some people can recover without them.
There is a whole other world of people who seek help for alcohol or drugs with a “quiet recovery”. A recovery that happens when someone decides to quit using alcohol or drugs and does, on their own and in their own way. This “quiet recovery” is not promoted by the rehabs or popular to talk about in the alcohol or drug recovery circles. The “quiet recovery” promotes independence and not dependence. To go against the established thinking is difficult when you are at your lowest and vulnerable and told over and over again that you are powerless and dependent. We fear what we don’t know and possibly failing if we do recovery on our own is enough for us to hand recovery over for others to decide. If recovery fails, it is on them.
So when I talk about the “quiet recovery” I am referring to those who sought drug or alcohol help outside of “the box”. In reality, nobody cares about the “quiet recovery” because it benefits nobody but the person recovering. They do not attend AA or NA meetings or spend a month in rehab. If they stop drinking or using drugs, it is in silence. There is no outpouring of congratulations, no interviews or books written, no motivated story of overcoming their addiction and no modeling a lesson for others to learn from. There is no public announcement and no validation or acknowledgement for their realization that they have a problem with alcohol or drugs. In fact, it is not popular to even speak of. To talk of their struggle with alcohol or drugs will get them condemnation, judgements, labeling and possibly a loss of job or friends. Sobering up simply means going through hell while they try to live their lives quietly…. Sober. That’s it.
Again, I believe alcohol or drug Rehab, AA and NA can be essential in helping some who seek alcohol or drug help. But it is those who have these “quiet recoveries” where I believe we can find valuable clues to help us help other people (who do not fit the traditional treatment mode) stop using alcohol or drugs.
One of the main reasons I feel these “quiet recoveries” are successful is because they do not complicate things. They live and seek help within their own lives. They find a good reason to not want to do what they were doing and fix what they have broken. It may be easy or it may be a struggle but you won’t hear them talk of their recovery. Instead they act. They put their heads down and plow through the mess they created.
Wether it be family, friends, a job, a marriage, a son, a daughter, a belief, they find a reason to get sober. Their results are there. A neighbor, a brother, a sister, an old school friend, we all know someone or a few someones in our past who once struggled with alcohol or drugs but decided to quit on their own, and did.
What did they do? How did they overcome alcohol or drug addiction on their own? Well, here are a few of my thoughts on how I believe they made drug or alcohol recovery work for them…..
TIPS
- Have a “Why”. To just quit drinking or using drugs without a bigger reason can often sabotage recovery because it leaves you emotionally empty. “Just doing it for me” is often not motivating enough. Sometimes you are not liking yourself much so you need a reason outside of yourself.
- Find your “How”. Everyone is unique and has different needs and preferences. You have to feel the type of alcohol or drug help you pursue is compatible with you. Don’t take yourself out of your life to find your life. Work within your means when seeking help for alcohol or drugs. To be told you have to live in a way that you do not believe in or can’t continue will not benefit you in obtaining sobriety in the long run.
- Do meaningful things. You need to fill the gap left by alcohol or drugs with something that means something to you. To stay busy on things that are not meaningful or important to you will leave you feeling empty or bored.
- Don’t overthink things. Get out of your head.
- Stay busy. Plan activities for downtimes. Boredom can be a big trigger. Move. Exercise.
- Help others. Helping others gets you out of your head and problems. It also can teach you about yourself.
- Own your shit. Don’t excuse your drinking or drugging away. You did it, own it. Now own your recovery.
- Accept that hurting is a part of healing. Don’t be afraid of your emotions. Know that they will fluctuate.
- Cut yourself some slack. Your changing a behavior and your life. Your redefining yourself. It will feel awkward and out of place sometimes. If it feels awkward you are probably on the right track.
- Remember why you are doing what you are doing. Everything gets boring and complacency can set in. Remind yourself why you wanted to quit using alcohol or drugs. What is your WHY?
Tim Welch, LPCC Mental Health Counseling,
Newark, Ohio Licking County Online Therapy. Virtual Counseling for Alcohol Addiction, Drug Addiction, Anxiety, Depression & Mental Health Issues.
